If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
