One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Randomize
