he puts the penis in happiness.
Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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