Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
the liver wants what the liver wants
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
