Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Randomize
