I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Operation Purity has been aborted
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
