my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I love you.
Bad choice
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
