Grow some girl-balls and come out already
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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