i think 'regret' was last night's theme. i could taste it in my mouth and woke up next to it.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
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