Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
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