I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
