i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
Well, let's be honest here. You're dealing with gay guys... EVERYTHING has an emotional attachment.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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