I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
