there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
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