So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
