I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
