i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i just google imaged poop.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
