Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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