it hurts more in the daytime
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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