So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
