It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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