btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
