would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
The air was thick with penises
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
Randomize
