Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Random question, how's your gag reflex these days
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
