I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
That weatherman I hooked up with is on TV again
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
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