I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Randomize
