Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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