the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
