used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
