alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
Randomize
