maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
