i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
then a garbage truck rolls up to the club, they hop out, and walk right in like they own the place
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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