using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
