He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
