I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Meant to have fun, ended up giving speech about consent to guy at bar. Feminist side feels happy. Orgasms side feels confused and betrayed.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Holy shit dude........stairs
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
Randomize
