Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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