well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
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