mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
