this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
While buying Plan B the lady at the counter looked at me and said hope you have a successful night as I walked away in shame
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
