We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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