That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
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