all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Randomize
