something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
