Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Did you pee in the oven last night??
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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