It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
