Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I'm a dude in a dress, who came to a party with Holly GoLightly, got hit on by Bambi's mom, and wants to do terrible things to Link. Halloween is weird
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
