Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
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