In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
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