You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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