the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
my liver is dry heaving
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
